Today was E’s first day of in-person Kindergarten! She is going into her fifth week of school already. She will be going face to face two days a week, independent learning two days at home, and one day virtually with her teacher.
The past few weeks we have struggled through virtual school. She’s done great, but it’s just the logistics of trying to make it work with both my husband and me working full time from home…with a four month old baby. {Who still needs to be formally introduced here!} Let’s just say things have been a little wild around here, to say the least!
E has been doing an awesome job during virtual school and loves her teacher. She looks forward to “doing school” at home and is often ready to log on way before she has to. She is even more excited to actually go to school and see her teacher and her new friends.
I am excited for her but part of me just feels SO sad about how things have been/are for her first year of school. I understand why they have to be this way but that doesn’t make it any less sad. I’m thankful she doesn’t know school as any different but I can’t help feeling this way about the things we’ve missed and continue to miss out on.
My kindergartner who hardly knows how to work a computer, who can barely use the touch pad to move the mouse, and can’t quite comprehend what the internet is or what it means to click on a link, is expected to do all of these things while starring at a screen for several hours a day to learn important foundations of her education. Her teacher and their school have done an amazing job and are doing the best they can with the situation, but it’s not the way kindergarten is supposed to be. It’s not what kindergartners should be doing. It’s not what kindergartners should be worried about and struggling with.
I am thankful she is headed back to school. I know there are people who don’t think they should be going to school in person but she needs to be in school. She needs the interaction, the hands on learning, the face to face instruction with her teacher. We are doing our best at home, but I am not a teacher. My job is demanding and the baby is demanding and worrying about what E has to be doing and whether or not she is on mute is demanding. It’s just a lot.
However, with going back to school, it breaks my heart to think of my girl sitting in a mask for hours on end not seeing the expressions of her teachers or her friends. It breaks my heart that we’ve had to have conversations about being 6 feet apart because we want to be safe not because we don’t want to be friends. It breaks my heart that we basically had to throw her out of the car and she was whisked away into school, into this huge next chapter, and we couldn’t even walk her to the door. It all just makes me sad.
I understand why things have to be this way. But that doesn’t make it easier. We want everyone to be safe and we do our part and we abide by the rules. I’m just afraid of how long we will have to continue this way and what the affects will be on this future generation if we continue like this long term. Are things like field trips, classroom parties, volunteering in the classroom, school events, or performances all a thing of the past? It literally makes my heart hurt to think about what’s gone. Life in some capacity has to go on and we are going to need to figure out how to do that together.
It just plain sucks to be a parent right now. Every decision is so hard. You want to do what is safe and what is right but at what sacrifice? I can’t quit my job to stay home and home school my kid. And I don’t want to.
Thankfully, silver lining, and completely expected because I am 100% “school is going to be great” hype mom in front of her – E had a FABULOUS day! She was so excited when she came home. She talked about her new “best friends,” playing on the playground, gym class, walking through the halls at her new “big school.” There was nothing negative in her report. We never gave her any reason to expect anything less than a great day.
Kids are resilient. They can adapt so easily to the world around them. I know all of this affects me more than it does her and she won’t know that 10 seconds after I gave her the biggest kiss through our masks and high-fived her as she was leaving the drop off line that I cried for how our world is today, I cried because my baby just walked off into Kindergarten with out as much as a look back at mom, and I cried because the weight of everything these days is sometimes just so much.
But she won’t know that. I will be strong for her and continue to make the best decisions that we can. I will do everything in my power to give her the best experiences I can. We will have our own parties and our own field trips. And I will just be over here hoping and praying that this too shall pass.